A Movement Is Born

Michelle Malkin posts about a study whose conclusion is that left-handed people are "bicerebral" and process information faster that those who are right-handed.  As a left-hander with a certain degree of ambidextrousness, I of course hail the findings of the study!  Still, the revelation doesn't quite offset the fact that I have to spend almost twice as long picking out a baseball glove than a right-handed person does.  We lefties have to sift through a preponderance of right-handed offerings before we can find a glove we like.  What makes matters worse is that the choices available are much more limited than what a right-handed person has to select from.  Sometimes you have to just choose the best one available, not necessarily the one you really want. 

I demand that the Congress recognize that left-handers are discriminated against in such matters and take immediate action by introducing a Left-Handers Bill of Rights.  Furthermore, I will not consider voting for any presidential candidate that does not make such an Act the center of their campaign platform.  Perhaps the ACLU should get involved and begin filing lawsuits demanding that sporting good stores carry the same offerings for left-handed people as they do for the right-handed.  Kind of like a Title IX for sports retailers.  I think I'll also file suit against select retailers and seek financial compensation for the psychological anguish I've had to go through in trying to find an acceptable glove.  Finally, I have decided to form an organization called the National Association for the Advancement of Left-Handed People (NAALHP) to fight for the rights of the left-handed.  Besides leading the fight for more readily-available baseball gloves for the left-handed, the NAALHP will take on the movie theater industry for those theaters that place drink holders on the right side of the seats.  I figure the NAALHP could shake the theater industry down for a lot of money.  Whose with me?